getting married is as easy as 1 2 3 4 5

It seems like every television show one turns on these days has someone saying that marriage is hard work. As all women know though, the work it takes to keep a marriage together is nothing compared to the time and effort it takes to get a man to get down on one knee. It is especially difficult now that men have found out about many of the little get-him-to-marry-me tricks women were once able to use discreetly with confidence. This doesn’t have to mean detours on the road to matrimony. Simple variations, like this new take on getting-accidentally-pregnant-on-purpose, are enough to steer your man toward the alter at five miles over the speed limit!

1) Make sure you aren’t pregnant.

This may seem like a risky place to start, but trust the process. Men are very aware of women getting accidentally pregnant on porpoise and suspect this even when women get accidentally pregnant on accident. You must not be pregnant to throw him off the accidental on purpose pregnancy track.

2) Act distracted and distant for thirty six hours.

It is important not to attempt this during your man’s favorite sport’s season because he will not notice despondency on your part.

3) Just before the two of you leave for work one morning tell him you think you might be pregnant.

You want to get him to as the ‘what’s wrong’ question, but you need to take all of the emotional elements out of it because the fact that you aren’t replying with ‘nothing’ might set off a red flag. Try to get him to see you looking weak and sick while standing over the toilet as though you are thinking about vomiting.

4) Take a pregnancy test when the two of you are together again that evening.

Call him once during the day to ask how he’s holding up and to be sure he is thinking about the fact that he might be a father.

5) Act disappointed when the test comes back negative.

You first want to let him be happy and relieved. Then bring your hand to your forehead and, while keeping you posture tall, hang your head. It is important not to seem too sad or he might think you were trying to get pregnant all along. Be just sad enough that he feels the need to comfort you.

When a man finds out he isn’t going to be a father after worrying about it all day is in a state of euphoria comparable to orgasm, the main difference is that all of his blood is in his brain. In this state it is easy to get a man to commit to most anything and he will most definitely remember what it is he has promised to do. Thoughts of changing a dirty diaper are easily changed to thoughts of I do.