saturn in blaux

I’m a little over half way thru my Saturn return. As I am an Aries, the only things I know about astrology are those that apply to me directly (if you know anything about astrology this should not surprise you) so from the way I understand when someone refers to Saturn return they are talking about Saturn returning to the same spot on a person’s chart as it was when they were born. Painful tests that trigger transformation are famously associated with the return of Saturn, just ask Gwen Stefani. Many people warned me of this fate as I approached my 28^th birthday and the sixth planet approached the fifth house. I received several hoity toity astrology books focused on Saturn and what to expect, but these never do me any good because they make it easy for you to blame any discomfort on your chart and, more dangerously, begin to extract yourself from life experiences because the placement of the planets seem to be erecting a hurdle. Now I’m all for thinking twice before signing a contract when mercury is in retrograde, hell my husband and I were legally married before our wedding day because cosmically speaking it was a better day, but when you go into a situation with expectations of failure because of how the planets are aligned I think that is going to far.
Astrology should not be used as a tool of pessimism. I wanted to know what I needed to work on during this time so I don’t have the ‘lord of karma’ following me around for the next thirty years. I found my greatest tool to be Surviving Saturn’s Return a book by these two astrologers who write for teen vogue. It’s the best because it tells you what Saturn is expecting of you. So I read at the onset of my Saturn return last July and this past year has been an amazing adventure, in re reading the book (or rather the chapter about Saturn in Leo… remember I’m an Aries) I was reminded of the fact that all of the growth I’ve been experiencing was tipped off by one form of rug or another being pulled out from under me. My most recent, and to date biggest, revelation has been that I need to learn how to accept outside accolades and feel good about them while building a since of self worth that is independent of them. And wouldn’t ya know it, my pocket survival guide tells me that this is one of Saturn’s biggest tests. I haven’t quite gotten it yet, but I have until September 2, 2007 to complete the written essay and submit it for grading. I’m sure I’ll at least get an 8-9. Its just another step in this path where I find myself shoved into a variation of my worst nightmare – the one thing I never thought I could survive – and then facing that which I never thought I would face, coming thru with an astounding new since of self. It puts me in such a state of elation that I can’t wait to see what I will get to go thru next. Then in the future, when I realize I’m not dreaming and have to survive another nightmare, I always seem to catch my self and remember that this is exactly what I wanted and in the end I do far more than survive. I see Saturn as a loving older relative who really wants the best for you but has less than desirable communication skills. And if my 68-year-old aunt is to old to change her ways, how much can one expect from someone, who’s like, infinity?