Laughing all the way thru the Banks

The second best thing about Tyra is that she has all these beliefs but doesn’t really understand why she believes them. The best thing about Tyra is that she has a talk show where she only has people on so she can espouse her beliefs about what ever is going on in their lives. I especially love when she believes her self to be a trained professional and goes all Dr. Phil on her patients – I mean guests – and doles out, in the most understanding concerned tone, highly judgmental ‘advice’. If you didn’t catch the episode where she had the Girls Gone Wild guy on I advise you to go out, buy a TiVO and tape the episode when it reruns so you can enjoy this battle of vapid egos over and over again!

Bravo… Bravo!

I usually hate the reunion episodes of reality shows. The ‘cast members’ usually spend the entire time talking about how they were misrepresented by producers or not them selves while the cameras were on. Bravo, however, has figured out how to avoid this reality show pitfall. It’s simple really, do the same thing people have been doing to solve their problems since the discovery of fermentation, get drunk. Or rather get the cast members drunk; then stick em in a bright room with each other and a couple of prodding proctors. The bright white room was a stroke of genius because it provides no place to hide. I would love to see a show that was a bunch of women ten years out of high school getting drunk and picking each other apart over how much they hated each other back in the day. It was so close to happening on the reunion show of the Real Housewives of the Orange County but Jo decided to cut back on her alcohol intake. Oh well.

Better living thru telemetry

This is only my fourth posting and so far the other three have all been directly about television. I’ve been in a sort of blog paralysis since coming to terms with this reality. When I get the urge to begin an entry on a different theme in another voice I fear breaking the cohesive tone this blog has taken on, yet I stop my self when I come up with a television inspired entry as I don’t want to be seen as the girl who only blogs about her TV related aggression. But maybe that’s who I really am. Maybe I need this forum to complain about how Blow Out has descended from the most honest and entertaining accounts of workplace cattiness to an hour-long infomercial for Jonathan Product interspersed with commercials for other products (I mean that fight with the package design guy was so staged!) So seeing as how I spend five hours of my day watching TV the medium will creep, if not lop down and stay way longer than it planed, in this blog… but after the exciting sweeps weeks of May have transpired don’t be taken completely off guard if an entry isn’t rooted in the high paced race for ratings (though I’m sure you won’t be surprised if I don’t stray from my muse in a box.) OK I’m off to watch the season finale of The Real Housewives Of The OC. I’m sure I’ll be back soon. P.S. I include the time I spend on line in my 5 hours of TV watching a day because the box is on during all of my trips on the web. Right now there is this show about Mike Boogie from Big Brother 2 opening his own restaurant. I can’t wait till summer. I luv Big Brother!

My goddess hear my darkest fear

It ain’t that Queen never toured that album
It ain't their fortune and fame
It ain't that the lead singer was dying from AIDS
It ain't the Hollywood game

Its not that Freddie was barely alive
That’s not what stopped Queen from performing Innuendo live

Its just Chris Daughtry wasn’t singing
Oh my god can he croon
Cuz when Chris Daughtry is singing
Makes Freddie sound like a buffoon

Yes if only Queen had a powerhouse front man like Chris Daughtry to mangle the opening of songs and then baldly go where no performer has gone before. I don’t watch American Idol (after the first forty seven episodes of each season where they tell people how hard they suck) and I knew I should have steered clear of the Queen tribute show. I just thought it would be the horribly inadequate renditions of my favorite songs that would upset me, not the judge’s blatant disrespect for the dead who just so happens to be one of the best front men of all time. (And sorry to single out Paula Abdul in this rant, because my anger began when in the pre song interview Chris mentioned the fact that Queen never preformed this song live. I just chalked him up to not being a queen fan. And Paula is really nothing more than bulimic wall candy. Aren’t randy and Simon supposed to e in the music industry? And Simon is an Englishman! Shouldn’t he stand up for all that is good and true about English pop music?)

Whatchoo talking about Willis?

I never thought that Bruce Willis would ever do anything to make me fall out of love with him. But you know what that French bird told that mouse in An American Tail. Never say never, Henri told Fival never say never. I just watched Hostage where Willis plays a negotiator who becomes negotiated and does at least 32 unnecessary things that put the lives of no less than 97 people on the line so that he can find him self in the middle of no more than four minutes of action movie action (of which twelve seconds are admittedly pretty cool.) I know I know Bruce Willis didn’t write the movie… but look, he’s a big, big star and he should know that playing a character who’s pathos is over explained and under explored just makes you look old. I will concede to the fact that he stripped down to his underwear… but the underwear he wore was a set of boxer shorts so large they looked like a pair of jam pants (and if he was only worried about his Huey Lewis showing I’m sure he would have taken a page from his ex-wife’s well endowed new husband and just worn two pairs of tiddy-whities.) The horrendous choice of role (and underwear) was bad enough, but I could forgive this laps in sex symbol status decision making, but Bruce had to go and tear down that fourth wall by being in a movie where he plays a father to a daughter played by his own real life daughter. Bruce Willis I don’t want to think about in any other context than as that strong silent type who rescues me from my every day life and delivers me to a state of unparallel sexual gratification. The thought of you having children and, on top of that, being a father tables the whole fantasy (and not in a take me on the table sort of way.) I pray to God that renaming my vibrators will reverse the damage watching this movie has done. Though something deep inside tells me its not going to be that easy.

circles are round

I just saw Deborah Norville report that Meredith Vieira will be taking over for Katie Couric on the Today Show. Remember when Deborah Norville was on the Today Show?