matter over mind

I recently decided to become more mindful of what i eat.  This wasn't meant to be a practice in eating healthy, but rather eating what i enjoy and really enjoying what i eat.  I generally get a taste for certain foods so i wasn't concerned about eating a balanced diet because i tend to crave things like spinach and salmon and if a cheese burger calls o me every once in a while so be it.

At first things were going great, when i was hungry i sought out the foods i was hungry for and when i ate i focused on savoring every mouthful.  Three weeks later i was completely satisfied with far less food and five pounds lighter.  I seemed to have figured it all out and then something completely unexpected happened... I lost my interest in food.

I didn't stop getting hungry, there just weren't any foods i wanted to eat.  For about a week i was able to avoid this problem by getting most of my calories form beer, but sooner or later i knew i had to get back on solid foods.

So i went to the store with no inspiration and simply looked at foods that i was used to getting excited about.  I came home with a couple of dense artichokes, a baby egg plant, wild mushrooms and chicken thighs.  I began to cook and the food looked good, but i wasn't ecstatic about the prospect of eating it like i normally am.  When i did sit down to eat i continued in my practice of enjoying every mouthful and when i was full i was perfectly happy with what i had eaten.

It was very easy to change my eating habits because of how into food i can be.  It was annoying and a little unsettling, but i still had to eat (weather i particularly liked what i was eating or not).  From my point of view, given the circumstances i was under, i could either choose to go hungry or stick to my practice.  And practice i did.  

I don't know if I will ever have the same passion for food i did just a month ago, and that fact isn't as scary as it might have been in the past.  This little experiment in eating has brought me to a deeper understanding of how to live; that all I need to do, all I can do, is show up and be present and honer the place i am at this moment.

hot and cheesy

We'll see how this fun experiment works.

attack of the photoshop novice

Last week I discovered this great source for free photoshop brushes.  This week I had fun playing with them and made some silly signs for work.

I used peacock feather brushes by nineveh and Japanese Foliage  by Design Fruit.

Yes, they are all pretty simple... but they make me excited to get a hold of more images to manipulate in photoshop as well as to really learn how to use illustrator.

And in other sign news: writing for someone else is one of the hardest things to do.  By writing for someone else I mean being handed someone else's idea and having to turn it into words that make sense and fit the allotted space.  It's hard enough to put my own ideas into words.  I must say that having my copy approved and praised has given me the greatest sense of satisfaction I've experienced in a while... even if it was just for a silly sign.

Lazy Sunday

It's always a treat to see how the cats nestle themselves in the strewn mess that is our feather comforter.  I could use this picture as an excuse for never making the bed.  But the fact that opportunities for pictures like this exist points to the fact that the batteries in my camera have been dead for three months and I, having done nothing to remedy that situation, am reduced to using my crappy phone camera to record the moments of my life.  All this picture is really proof of is that I'm lazy, but not too lazy not to half assedly photo shop the mess surrounding the bed out of the picture.  I guess there is only one thing left for me to do; get an iPhone.

titles are bullshit

I am so pissed off today.

Over the past six months i've experienced several episodes of moodiness that turned out to be episodes of PMS.  As I linked my mood to my cycle the PMS related irritability decreased because I could tell myself that it was all hormones and would subside in a few days.

This, though, is not PMS.

I don't know what has set this off but it's like there is a grouchy tornado spinning inside my chest screaming to be set free but refusing to leave when I try and let it go.

Maybe it's because I but my tung which now feels like it's twice its normal size.  The pain has actually effected my speech and ability to swallow.  I've noticed that i've been clenching my teeth to avoid an unpleasant run-in between the two.

Clenching your teeth can't be good for your mood.

What ever.  People just better stop answering "it's spelled just how it sounds" when asked to spell their name.  Because you know what sound my brain makes when it thinks of your name?  G-O-F-U-C-K-Y-O-U-R-S-E-L-F

...oh ha ha blogger, sending me an error report is so funny right now.  

I know I'm being sarcastic, but I'm really not in the mood for irony right now.

jamie lynn spears is pregnant

This is the best excuse for anyone to cover Papa Don't Preach EVER!!

somewhere in my youth or childhood, I must have done something good

Things have been going really well for me lately. This partly has to do with with an apparent shift in my outlook on life which allows me to see that it isn't how others behave so much as the way i act and react that is important. And while internally I feel that I'm treading on new ground, it's also true that everything is coming up roses on the ground upon which i currently tread. I've been living with a sense of total, true contentment and haven't been troubled with thoughts about what may or may not come my way in the future... until now.

When i checked my e-mail just now I found out that the new season of Big Brother is likely to begin in February! Reading further i saw that there will be open casting calls in my town!! I am going to try to make it to the casting (not because i want to try out for the show, but because i want to see all the people who want to try out for the show) and not to start thinking 'can things get any better?'

Because when you get right down to it, even if things all go to shit at least i have three months of top quality reality TV to look forward to!